Everyone’s favorite grocery store tabloid–and, of course, the only source of real news–is now on Google Books.

Musical reporting includes:
Beethoven was actually black.
Mozart’s younger brother, Fritz, wrote the first piece of Rock and Roll with his ground-breaking work Die Zaubertrommel.
Classical music v. Britney Spears: Effects on Dogs.

There goes my afternoon. Good thing my brain was shot anyway.